(Note: there is a contest behind all of this, you just have to wade through the rant to get to it! LOL)
I hate pirates. Not the yargh matey, rape-pillage-plunder fellows. Those guys are okay. The pirates I despise with a passion are the ones who illegally post files for download.
In other words, scurvy thieves that even Captain Jack Sparrow wouldn't care to do business with.
Fellow author Nina Pierce had a great post today about file piracy. I've blogged about it before myself. AllRomanceEbooks.com is sponsoring a petition against it. Please go sign it!
(Note that the ranting part of this post isn't directed at my wonderful and law-abiding readers, only the jerks who post and download files illegally. And yes, not buying it from an authorized site is ILLEGAL.)
My latest book was available on file sharing sites less than twenty-four hours after it was released.
It's discouraging, to say the least. I don't know what these jerks think I and other authors make, but we can't afford to lose hundreds (or thousands) of sales to download sites. You pirate jerks are going to drive the writers you love to steal from right out of writing. (I'm just hoping you end up with a lovely virus on your hard drive from all those friggin torrent sites and peer-to-peer programs you love to use.)
If you are one of these jerks who posted my works and others for download, what the HELL is wrong with you? If you went and stole something out of a store, would you proudly go tell everyone about it? (Oh, maybe you would.) Do you pirate jerks not realize I'm WORKING for a living just like anyone else? Except, lucky you, you probably get paid every week or every other week. My biggest publisher pays QUARTERLY. And a lot of writers are in the same boat I'm in. That means we only get (count 'em) FOUR paychecks a year. If my hubby wasn't working, I could never do what I'm doing.
And those four checks, let me tell you what, they go to pay for all sorts of "fun" things, like putting new brakes and tires on the cars, replacing the ancient A/C system in our house, fixing the leaking roof, paying our property taxes, homeowner's insurance, and flood insurance (we live in Florida so YOU do the freaking math, sparky), you know, those sorts of "luxury" items. If my husband lost his job, at this point we're one paycheck away from disaster. When he retires in a few years, my income--four times a year--will basically be IT for us. So you stealing from me, hey, can my husband and son and I and six dogs come live with YOU if I can't pay my mortgage? Maybe you can just steal the files right from my laptop as soon as I write them and cut out the annoying middleman, right? (Jerks.)
Just like you, Mr./Mrs. Filesharing Pirate Asshole, I have bills to pay.
Okay, so on to the contest portion of my Ranting Wednesday post.
What do we do with these filesharing asshats? I'm talking wild and crazy, if you could do something to them (oh, say, in a book) without worrying about getting in trouble, what would you do? Shoot them into orbit a la Bugs Bunny?
You're playing for an electronic (yes, I understand the irony in this, believe me) copy of my book, "Cross Country Chaos." Make me laugh, make me spew coffee all over my laptop while reading your answer. Be creative. Be vindictive. Be scarily close to my own secret thoughts about what I wish I could do to these numbnuts (damn, my tin foil hat must have sprung a data leak) and leave your answer in the comments section. Make sure I have a way of getting in touch with you. If you are a fellow writer, feel free to put your website in your comments (after your answer) and shill your latest book. You must be of legal age in your place of residence to play, void where prohibited, your mileage may vary, don't take any wooden nickels, yadda yadda.
You can answer as many times as you'd like, but remember, the most creative, outlandish, beverage-spew-inducing answers are going to be the ones with the best chance of winning. I will pick a winner (what I determine is the best one) sometime this coming...oh, let's do Sunday afternoon. That'll give everyone plenty of time to think of something (or twenty).
Good luck, and cheer me the hell up with your answers!