I'm fat.

No, I'm not morbidly obese, but the past couple of months emotionally took a toll on me, and one way I coped with it was not going to the gym because I didn't "feel" like it, plus holiday foods were hard to resist.

Excuses, I know.

When I first started Weight Watchers, my original goal was 195 pounds. I did manage to get down as far as 192, but then my weight crept up again. I had a lot of excuses. With Annie in the hospital, then losing her, I wasn't feeling up to trying to take good care of myself. Weather, and emotions, triggered fibro flares.

Excuses.

Well, last week I started up at the gym again. And re-dedicated myself to getting back on track with my WW plan. I've started stocking healthy foods in the fridge again, and counting my points like I should. I've also stuck two sticky notes on the wall above my desk, where I have to see them every time I sit down at the computer.

No Excuses!

That one applies not only to my weight, but to work habits as well.

195

That's the goal weight I want to hit first. I am breaking it down into small chunks, as recommended by the WW site. 195 was my first goal, a 5-pound goal when I started, so time to aim for it again. Once I hit it, I'll readjust it downward by another five or so pounds. My final goal is 155, which is a good weight for my frame. (Although I'll easily settle for 165.) Right now, I'm 213.6 and 5'8". This is not a healthy weight for me. I am technically obese if you look at the charts. Not morbidly so, but because of my bone structure, I hide it reasonably well. It settles in my ass and thighs for the most part.

But since I do have a history of heart disease in my family on my maternal grandmother's side, I need to pay close attention to my health. My fibro makes it imperative I improve my physical condition. I also don't want to put myself at risk for diabetes or other health issues.

So today I'm facing the facts. I'm fat, and I don't like being this way. It's not even a cosmetic issue as much as it is I don't feel healthy. I'm carrying more than a huge bag of dry dog food on my frame, and I know how heavy one of those bastards are. I know I'll feel better all around physically by getting this weight off. Hubby managed to drop 25 pounds last year and feels a lot better for it. Sir is in pretty good shape, but He's now looking at some potential cardiac issues and He wants to drop some weight (and He, like me, hides it well).

So no more excuses. I will get healthy. I will do this.

195, here I come.