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Hello all,
In this time of family and festivities I thought I’d share some war stories from holidays past.
My family has a tradition that we seemed doomed to continue. During the holidays, we have now experienced so many turkey-related crises that I had to coin a new word: Turkastrophe.
I was still a child when we had our first incident. A twenty pound bird was removed from the oven in all its golden glory and left on the counter to rest while the family took a quick walk around the block to admire the holiday lights. We returned to find a very, very stuffed German shepherd, a grease spot on the rug, and no turkey.
In the years since then, there have been successful years and years when the bird won, wings down. There was a heat-resistant turkey that stayed defiantly raw despite 8+ hours of cooking. There have been birds that managed to poach in their own juice, leaving us with turkey soup straight out of the oven. There was the year that the turkey succumbed, but the stuffing turned such a terrifying shade of green none of us would dare eat it.
And then there was the year of the oven from hell. For reasons known only to the gods of whimsy, the oven locked and set itself to “self clean” mode, an hour after the turkey was put in. With incineration imminent, we had to pull the fuse to get the damned thing to turn off, and even then the door would not unlock. We tried everything we could think of, but the turkey remained incarcerated. In the end, my father took a crow bar to the wall-mounted oven, shattering the glass and prying the sucker open to free the captive turkey. It turned into a bit of an event, with a cheering squad of guests and copious amounts of libations. We managed to cook the rest of the food in the microwave and toaster oven, and as I recall, we served all the potatoes, veggies and good things….with pizza. The turkey lost in the end, I took it home and finished cooking it in my oven.
And in case you think those holiday cooking crises are restricted to my parent’s house, allow me to leave you with this memory. It was my first year as a young bride with a house of my own, and I was hosting my family for my first holiday dinner. I was nervous and wanted everything to be perfect and so naturally things went completely off the rails. My little brother was a commercial diver, and without warning me, he brought extra food for the table that night: two 12 lbs Alaskan King Crabs that were both still very much alive.
Have you ever tried to make gravy while perched on a counter top, keeping your toes out of reach of two annoyed crustaceans while a sibling tries to stab them with a screwdriver and your relations called out helpful advice from the safety of the living room? I have, and it is not a recommended way to cook, but at least I avoided a Turkastrophe. In my family that Christmas is more commonly referred to as Crabmageddon.
Blessed Yule & Happy Holidays everyone
(and may you avoid any Turkastrophes)
Susan Hayes
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If you’re looking for something to read while hiding from your kith and kin this holiday season, might I suggest my book, Whispers in the Dark.
Kyra Robinson is in trouble. She may not believe in monsters, but that won’t help her when an ancient vampire tries to claim her as his eternal consort.
Gareth Harkness is a vampire hunter with supernatural abilities. He spends his nights fighting the living dead and his days dreaming of an unknown woman who has haunted his dreams for years. When a string of violent murders brings him to Vancouver, Gareth learns his past and the future he dreams of are on a collision course. The vampire who once nearly destroyed his family has found a potential blood mate, and it’s the woman from Gareth’s dreams.
Two men, the hunter and the killer, both of them locked into a war only one of them can win. In the end, Kyra will have to choose, but before she can give her heart away, she’ll have to survive the darkness that threatens to take her life, her soul, and her sanity.
Buy link: http://www.bookstrand.com/whispers-in-the-dark
Where to find me:
Website: http://susanhayes.ca
Blog: http://susanhayesromance.blogspot.ca
Twitter: http://twitter.com/capricia13
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Susan-Hayes/551945384831723
Siren Publishing Author Page: http://www.bookstrand.com/susan-hayes
Amazon Author page: http://amzn.com/e/B008KWT574
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6444700.Susan_Hayes
Oh my glory! That is hilarious. And I've done the Crabmageddon, but they were Dungeness and easily contained in a pot. I hope you avoid any more of your "traditions" this year, and very happy holidays, Susan! :)